Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
