maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
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