You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
