sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
