OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
