I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
