Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
