If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I think my moral compass just broke
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