I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
