I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
