I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
