I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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