I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
