haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize