That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
