She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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