Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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