So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
