The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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