so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
