I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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