My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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