I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Mom said you looked used
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
