Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Randomize
