Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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