I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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