this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
