VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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