I cannot find my penis.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
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