Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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