pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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