It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
He did a backflip because drugs
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