FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
