He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
