Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
