the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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