I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
