kristin has been a bad kristin
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
