party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
