You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
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