God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
