Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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