Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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