she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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