Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
