Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
In other news, I just burned my penis
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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