You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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