It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
