i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
