Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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