needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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