all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
