Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
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Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
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The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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