just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Randomize
