Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Randomize
