So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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