Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
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