Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
