you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
