this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
