You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
