i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
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