I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
