He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Is it penis luge time yet?
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
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