I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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