HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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