every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize